I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
