OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
