a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize