wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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