Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
