How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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