I'm really into asian looking animals
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
