I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
