I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
