he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
