college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
