I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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