So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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