Welp...herpes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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