After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
