It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
