If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
