I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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