i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
