It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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