Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
two words: eviction party
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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