Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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