pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
