dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
