Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize