I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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