my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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