can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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