I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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