I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
