He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
