Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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