remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
