Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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