I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
