my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
