After last night, I could never be a politician.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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