I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
