I wish I could teleport
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
