The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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