Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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