Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
