you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
