Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
