drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well I just put wine in my tea
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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