If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
