If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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