no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
