Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
last night I used snow as a chaser
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
