a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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