Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Randomize
