why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.