And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen