I'm retarded. Again.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
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thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.