I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
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a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.