Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
