You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
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That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing