If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.