I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
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Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket