i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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