dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's blow job season.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
