you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It's Friday. Sex?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
