i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
