she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
