Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
