Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize