seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
