he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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