I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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