Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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