I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
