woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
