god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
