Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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