Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
