oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We got so high we made milksteak
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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