The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
