I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize